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How I Make Friends In A Minute

Very easy, no biggie.

ASSOCIATION

I used to think of myself as reserved, as an introvert. I would use that as an excuse not to engage with people and say things like “I’m just being myself”, “I’m not trying to please anybody”. But then I looked into what it meant to be an introvert and here’s what I found: “An introvert is someone who gains energy by spending time alone”, that doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t like being around and talking to people. Listen, you live on earth not in Jupiter. You’re not living with zombies, you’re living with human beings. And human beings are social beings, we have to be connected to each other. This is how societies have been built. So you do need great relationships in your life; ones that empower, encourage, challenge, and add value to you. So even if you call yourself an introvert, I have bad news for you: “You need to enjoy engaging with people”. But sometimes however, for others, introversion is not always the real issue, a low self-esteem is possibly the issue. When you are not very confident in yourself, you don’t talk much because you fear other people’s judgment: you think they’ll think you’re stupid. You often isolate yourself from people.

So how did I become more engaging with people? Very easy, no biggie: I hanged around great friends who engaged well with people and in fact, I was coached by the best on how to engage people. Don’t trivialize this skill because with it, you can get access to so many opportunities, from job opportunities to business opportunities to love relationships ;)

And guess what? Now, people tell me “ You have great people skills”, “ You’re such a great networker”(by the way, I don’t have a great network yet-I just have 286 friends on Facebook and counting, lol), “You’re so outgoing, I love your energy…”. Yeah, I appreciate it, but hey: I had to put in work and hours though. I had to talk to strangers, scared; many times, until I got used to it. Had to talk to the nice strangers, the mean strangers, the disinterested strangers, all kinds of weird strangers. Had to hold a 5 mins conversations with 20 strangers everyday, 2 hrs non-stop. I was once challenged by my mentor to talk to 50 strangers within a limited amount of time and I did. When you have that kind of challenge, my friend, you talk to the homeless guy, to the CEO, to the janitor. You talk to errbody, you can’t be all in your head this time. You don’t care about what people think anymore. “Did they like me?” “Did they think I was weird?” “Did I say things right?”. You talk when it’s raining, and you keep talking even when someone just killed your vibe. You just do what you gotta do no matter how you feel! And hey, I got some great contacts out of that; I don’t regret taking on the challenge. And you might be saying, “You were able to do that because you’re naturally good at it”. Sure, to some extent I am gifted at networking because I’m a connector by nature; I connect with people, connect people, and connect ideas. But I still gotta work, you can’t take that out of the equation! I’m still constantly working on becoming better at networking to the point where I can get a great contact in 30 seconds consistently and effortlessly. But you don’t need to be gifted to do this, it can be learned. And you better learn it if you are trying to have success in anything in life…

Never be so amazed by people’s great results and feel less than them. We all started from somewhere. We all have to go through a certain process. If you have Fs and your friends have As, they know some things you don’t know and have gone through a certain process you haven’t. If you see someone’s love relationship flourishing and yours seems to be falling apart. Trust me, your relationship could be as good if you knew the pieces of the puzzle. No success is accidental, success is very intentional.

CONNECTION

When you’re in France, you speak French not English so you could relate with people. It’s the same principle: You need to get on people’s level. Speak their language. Find things you agree on, and deal with the disagreements later. In fact, you’re more likely to get them to eventually agree with you once you’ve connected with them well enough.

To connect with people, you essentially have to mirror them.“We are attracted to who we are”

One time I said hi to this stranger (yeah, it’s not as weird as you think, a lot of people actually appreciate it when someone initiates a good conversation with them). Then I asked his name. His name was Jean. And I said my name is Jean-Louis too! Where did you go to school? We both said SFU. What you studied? We both said Design. I asked: Tu parles Français?( you speak French?), He said: Si!( Yes) and right there he said: What’s your Facebook contact? Bear in mind, I was smiling and having a friendly tone the whole time!

It’s not about what you’re saying but how you’re saying it. It’s not just about the verbal communication, it’s primarily about the non-verbal communication. It’s all about the vibe you give off.

Here are some simple lines you could use to connect: Me too! I totally agree! You are totally right! You speak my language! It’s not a formula you should memorize, say whatever you want to say. Not saying something is also saying something: You can simply nod and smile. If the person said he/she liked something and you didn’t like it at all, say me too, anyway! Then say something specific you like about it so you won’t feel like you’re lying if you’re so concerned about that.

Those who connect well with people focus more on being interested in the other person than trying to appear interesting. And they do this by listening more and talking less. Who doesn’t love to be heard? What you’re doing when you actively listen to people is you’re making them feel good and getting them to be very comfortable around you. You are building rapport. And when you get them to talk about topics dear to their heart, then you’re getting them in a totally different zone. This time, you’re really making them feel good, because now, it’s not a head to head conversation anymore, it’s a heart to heart conversation.

You want the person to leave the conversation thinking: “Wow! That person is different, I’d love to meet him/her again” . Another key that works well in making others feel good is genuinely complimenting them and speaking words of life into them. For example: “That brown coat looks perfect on you, goes so well with your skin tone”. “You study engineering? Wow, I admire engineers, you guys are really smart…I can’t imagine myself solving these complex problems like you do and from the way you talk, you sound like the next Bill Gates.” “You look very different and I like it, I really do.” Do whatever feels natural to you, just don’t fake it to manipulate people so you can get something from them. You’re conversing with them not to push your agenda but theirs. Once you do that well, it’ll come back to you. Either them or some person will come and help advance your agenda. For example, don’t tell a girl she’s so beautiful just so you can get her to sleep with you. Bruh. Don’t do that. Stahp it!

Let’s get practical. Here’s an example of a conversation with a stranger:

Me: You’re looking beautiful in that dress, going on a date or something?

Girl: aww, thanks. Yes I am.

Me: That guy better be a good guy. Anyway, what do you do?

Girl: Haha, He is. I’m in construction!

Me: Really? Would never have guessed that! I would think you’d be in the beauty industry or something, you know.

Girl: hahaha, funny thing is I wanna empower millions of women around the world. Make them feel more comfortable in their skin. I wanna make them feel beautiful.

Me: Woaah, such a an amazing and big dream, you go girl! Well hey, you sure are qualified to do that. I approve! You know, I also want to make women feel comfortable in their skin, I think there are many pieces of the puzzle to do this. Beauty is definitely an important piece. However, I strongly believe feeling comfortable in your skin goes deeper than your beauty. But I do strongly believe in empowering people.

Girl: Yeah, totally agree!

*awkward silence*

Me: So what was your name again?

Girl: Princess! haha…:)

Me: Well, there you go! I was about to guess that, describes you pretty well i’d say.

Girl: What’s yours?

Me: Prince.

Girl: hahah, seriously?

Me: Yup, haha, joking. I’m Jean-Louis, close enough. You could call me Jaylo. Shakes hand(gently touches hand). But I do sometimes think of myself as a King though, and I believe we all are Kings and Queens. Kingship represents: Royalty. Class. Wealth & Influence amongst many other things; I believe we’re all worth having that.

Me: Hey Princess, looks like you have to catch the bus. It was really nice talking to you(shakes hand, touches her hand gently). Keep pursuing the dream, one day you won’t be taking buses anymore, you’d be taking private jets.

Girl: hahah, thank you!

Me: And hey, you wanna stay touch? It’s possible, in the future, I’d want to work with someone in the beauty industry to empower women.

Girl: Totally! My number is: …

Me: Again, really nice to talking to you. You have a positive energy, I’m sure you’ve heard that a lot. I wish you all the best! :)

Girl: aw thanks, haha, not really! :)

Me: You’re just being humble. Wow, what are you not?

Girl: hahah, a lot of things.

Me: I admire your humility, keep it up! Have a great night, dream big!

Girl: Hey, Jean-Louis, thanks for talking to me by the way, made my day! :D

Me: You’re always welcome, you take care, bye.

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