Feeling Compersion for Lovers and Others

Over the past few months, my world radically changed. The beautiful human being that I had the pleasure of sharing my life with and I mutually agreed to consciously uncouple in the most beautiful ceremonial release of one another from each others lives. In the weeks after, I felt a depth inside of my heart that I’ve never experienced before, a wound deeper than anything I thought was imaginable.

The days and weeks after, I had to come to terms with the truth of the situation. I found myself feeling sick at the thought of another man potentially providing her with the happiness that I know I once provided. The thought made me unsettled, uneasy, and disgruntled. I felt a rage, a deep sadness, and a sharp pain inside. I then asked myself; Why?

While pondering over why my ego was getting so repulsed at the idea I found myself organizing files my computer and came across a writing of mine from years prior titled “Loving Deeply Without Owership.” Here’s a snippet:

“Have you ever been in love so in love with someone that you both decide you need to let go? Being in a conscious relationship that is rooted in a deep unconditional love presents many challenges, especially when there is still growth and healing needed in your lives. Having the ability to love openly leaves space for one another to grow to the point you feel you need to be to be able to give that person-or future lovers- all of yourself or to maintain on track to your healing.”

Essentially what I was trying to say is that if you truly love someone, releasing them to seek their own internal happiness and healing should be your first priority in a relationship- even if that means releasing them from your loving grasp and coming to terms with the fact that they might not come back to share what you once had before. I didn’t know it at the time, but what I was feeing when writing Loving Deeply Without Ownership was Compersion.

To me, compersion is a specific kind of empathy. You’re empathetic in that you are aware of the other’s emotions, but instead of directly feeling their emotions as your own you feel a happiness within yourself in response to bearing witness to the other’s emotion. These emotions range from seeing others experience happiness, growth, success, or pleasure.

We’re capable of feeling compersion outside of a loving relationship too! For instance when you look at others who have reached a higher level of success in their careers than you, instead of resenting them or feeling jealous or envious, you can choose to feel compersion. When I reflect on things like this I choose to feel a genuine stoke for them that they’re able to do what they love full time- and that should be celebrated without my own ego getting in the way.

However, to step into a compersionate state of mind, you first have to come to terms with feeling jealousy, envy, spite, resentment, or F.O.M.O. Each of those feelings are a direct opposite of compersion, yet dealing with those emotions is the doorway to feeling compersion or stepping into a compersionate mindset.

The journey to feeling compersion is a continuous fight between you and your ego. It will challenge your programmed thought patterns and presumptions about life and how things ‘should’ be. So I challenge you! The next time you find yourself feeling jealousy, envy, spite, resentment, or F.O.M.O., use that as a doorway to explore your ego and see how you can work towards living with a compersionate mindset.

Related posts:

It was early in the morning as I stepped off the gangway of a luxury cruise liner into the grimy streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti and by noon had a transformed view of the world. I was expecting a…

As we count down the days to the launch, we would like to introduce you to our brand new service — Howdoo, a messaging and social media platform that let’s you do all the things you love to do —…

We hate to do the dirty work! But the thing that sets us apart is the same thing we despise the most. I know, the irony is strong in this one. Yes! We get to pick and work on interesting projects and…